Tag: Sharing the gospel

So why are you my friend? Is it only so you can share Jesus with me?

Have you ever been asked this question? How did you answer?

It’s a hard question to answer isn’t it? The reason is because I know many who have been challenged and encouraged to build friendships with others just so they could share the gospel with them?

What usually happens in these relationships is that you work on building a strong friendship and then one day, you lower the boom and ask them what they think about Jesus. What’s their response? Well, it all depends, but sometimes they may feel set up and ask, “So you’re just hanging out with me because you want me to know Jesus?”

No one likes to feel like a project. So what do we do? Is it wrong to build a friendship with someone to share the gospel?

The answer is yes and no.

No, because to really “love your neighbor as yourself” will cause you to want them to have the same joy you have found in Christ. You will want them, along with everyone else around you, to know of the grace and mercy found in God. Consider these words from Augustine…

“Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” Now you love yourself suitably when you love God better than yourself. What, then, you aim at in yourself you must aim at in your neighbor, namely, that he may love God with a perfect affection. For you do not love him as yourself, unless you try to draw him to that good which you yourself are pursuing.

The answer is yes, however, for several reasons. First, because it can make others feel manipulated. This happens when we wait to bring up anything about Christianity until we are deep into a friendship. We just spring it on them. Why don’t we bring up the topic sooner?

Second, it’s wrong when our goal to share the gospel is not working and we abandon the friendship. What we need to ask ourselves is when someone rejects the gospel, do we continue to be his/her friend?

A final reason it can be wrong is that we have the tendency to pick those most like us or those whose friendships will build our egos. As a result, we tend to ignore people who may be very open to the gospel.

This doesn’t mean that people we naturally get along with don’t need to hear the gospel, but we must be aware that God might bring someone new into our path. And that someone might be very different from us. We need to be willing to befriend anyone who is open to the gospel.

As I think about what it means to share the gospel with others and to befriend them while doing so, I like what Justin Leonard writes in his book on evangelism. His words give us some great encouragement in building friendships and sharing the gospel.

Sharing your faith doesn’t impose itself on others, leaving them feeling resentful and used. It invites people to step beyond a superficial friendship where no one really cares about listening, and to head toward deep spiritual relationship. It’s an approach that makes it safe for people to confide in you and trust you with the truth of what’s going on in their lives, so that your interaction with them becomes like warm oil, bringing healing, peace, and grace, lifting the burdens off their shoulder. 

Marcus Buckingham, in his book The One Thing You Need to Know, writes about Donald Brown and his work on understanding universal needs and fears. Brown discovered that all societies, though they each have their uniqueness in regards to language and culture, have a shared nature.

Though Brown counts up to 372 human universals, Buckingham distills them down to 5. These 5 are paired into what we fear and what we need. Here are the 5…

1. Fear of Death — The Need of Security.  All societies have a fear of death and have laws against murder and suicide. 

2. Fear of the Outsider — The Need for Community. In all cultures,  children fear strangers. All societies also make distinctions between those who are a part of the group and those who are not.

3. Fear of the Future — The Need for Clarity. Societies are anxious about the future.  Many cultures give prestige to those who can predict the future.

4. Fear of Chaos — The Need for Authority. All cultures have a story of how the world came to be. All also have a desire for authority and to have someone in charge.

5. Fear of Insignificance — The Need for Respect. In every society there is a craving for prestige and the respect that comes with it. There is also a concept of acquiring a positive self-esteem.

What needs to be emphasized regarding these fears and needs is that they are, in fact, universal. Regardless of nation, people, or race, all societies have some sort of fear of death, outsiders, the future, chaos, and insignificance. Buckingham writes,

The fact that these universals exist imply that all humans share a common experience, we share common virtues and vices, and therefor that, if we are inquisitive enough, if we listen closely enough, we should be able to emphasize with and understand one another (p. 136).

For believers in Christ, we trust that the answer to these fears is the gospel. But before we dive into how the gospel works at dissolving these fears, I think it’s important to realize how, according to Tim Chester, they “offer a point of connection with people, a hook, an opportunity to engage.” He writes that “we need to connect the gospel with the specifics of people’s lives rather than, or as well as, starting with big metaphysical questions.”

We understand the fears of others because we have those same fears ourselves. We understand the need for security, community, clarity, authority, and respect as they are the same needs as those we work beside. The only difference in us, as Christ followers, is that we have begun to trust in the gospel as the salvation from our fears and the fulfillment of our needs.

But though we place our faith in Christ, we still struggle. We are not immune to fear or doubt. After all, we are not super saints, but normal ordinary people in need of saving. And as a result, we are able to identify with those around us and to offer the gospel to others at their point of need.

(Specifics on how the gospel speaks to these 5 fears will be found in tomorrow’s post.)

We are quick to judge.

According to series of experiments by Princeton psychologists Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov, “all it takes is a tenth of a second to form an impression of a stranger from their face. And these quick first impressions, whether we like it or not, “play a powerful role in how we treat others, and how we get treated.”

This study by Willis and Todorov should not really surprise us. We see the same type thing recorded in Scripture. Remember when Samuel was told by God to find the new King of Israel from one of Jesse’s sons? When Samuel saw Eliab, the first of Jesse’s sons, he said, “Surely the Lord’s anointed is before him.” But the Lord said to Samuel:

 “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

 It’s not just the quick glance of someone’s face by which we form impressions however. I think other’s actions also play a significant part. Consider the man who takes up two parking spaces or the lady who cuts in front of you in line at Starbucks? Or what about the check-out clerk at the food store who slams your eggs in the basket? I’m not saying any of these actions are okay, but should we judge the whole person by them? If we knew the whole story of why they did what they did, it might make a difference in how we see them.

What do we do?

So how do we become less judgmental? How can we become more understanding and compassionate?  I think the place to start is to realize that behind every face is a story. The lady who is rude to you while buying your morning cup of coffee has a story. The gentleman who looks a bit unkempt at the drugstore has a story. Even the person who appears to have it all together has a story as even in laughter the heart may ache (Proverbs 14:13).

We should seek to understand. We should seek to listen to the stories behind the faces we encounter. We should seek to see people as people. Is this not, after all,  what it means to love your neighbor as yourself? (Matthew 22:39)

Several years ago, I discovered the song They Don’t Understand by Sawyer Brown. It speaks to what I have been referring to above. Therefore, I can’t think of a more appropriate way to end this article than to place some of the lyrics below.

A mother riding on a city bus
Kids are yelling kicking up a fuss
Everybody’s staring not knowing what she’s going through
Somebody said don’t you even care?
Do you let ’em do that everywhere?
She slowly turned around, looked up and stared
She said “Please forgive them
But they’ve been up all night
Their father struggled but he finally lost his fight
He went to heaven
In the middle of the night
So please forgive my children”

A man driving on the interstate
Slowing down traffic making everybody late
Everybody’s staring not knowing what he’s going through
Somebody honked from the passing lane
Yellin’ out the window, I ain’t got all day
The old man looked around and he caught his eye
He said please forgive me
You know it’s been a long life
My wife has passed away and my kids don’t have the time
I’ve been left all alone
And its getting hard to drive
So please forgive me 

Chorus:
(They don’t understand)
Everybody’s busy with their own situation
Everybody’s lost in their own little world
Bottled up, hurry it up trying to make a dream come true
(They don’t understand)
Everybody’s living like there ain’t no tomorrow
Maybe we should stop and take a little time
Cause you never really know what your neighbor’s going through
(They don’t understand)

Remember, behind every face you see today, there is a story!

What do you “see” when you look at those you come into contact with each day? How do you see the check-out clerk? Your boss? Your secretary? Your wait staff at the local restaurant? The barista who made your coffee? The stranger in line at the post office? The UPS driver?

Do you see people as people? Or do you see them as something else? Alicja Awanska, a Poland anthropologist, did a study of the people living in the northwestern United States. What she discovered was that they tended to divide their world into three categories…

Scenery. This includes things such as nature, weather, politics, and other things in which people have no control.

Machinery. These are “tools” that are used to help people accomplish their work. Machinery is anything used by people “to do the job.” They are possessions.

People. These are human beings who are seen as caring and feeling individuals. They relate well with one another for they are culturally alike.

 An interesting discovery in Awanska’s study is that the group she observed did not see everyone as people. They saw “strange people,” such as the American Indians, as scenery. They visited them much like one would visit a zoo. And they saw workers, such as Mexican migrant laborers, as machinery. They were valued only for what they could produce. The only ones viewed as people were family and friends (see chapter 3 in Paul G. Heibert’s book Anthropological Insights for Missionaries for more info on Awanska’s study).

Though Awanska’s study has obvious implications for cross-cultural engagement, I think it also speaks directly to how we tend to see those we encounter in our daily routines. Those we consider scenery are not only individuals who are strange to us, but also those we tend to not notice at all. They are like background music. This is especially true in our world of technology where smart phones continually have our attention.

The ones we see as machinery are usually administrative staff, the wait staff at restaurants, and any other individual that serves us. These are the ones that work for us in one way or another. We ask them, “Can I have more coffee?” “Can you mail this first class?” Can I have fries with this order?”

We must see people as people however. We must see others as ministry instead of scenery and machinery.  We must see others as Jesus sees them. The gospel writer Matthew records that Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd” (Matthew 9:35-36).

Jesus saw people in need and had compassion. When he saw the woman at the well, he saw a woman with unmet desires (John 4). When Jesus met Zacchaeus, he saw a man confused about what would make him happy (Luke 19:1-10).  It was they, and us, whom Christ came to serve and to lay down his life (Mark 10:45).

So how do we see those around us? Do we see them as Christ sees them? Do we realize they are the ones for whom Christ came? Do we see them as people created in the image of God? Or do we see them as just scenery and machinery?